General BDSM
Consent, Negotiation & Vetting
Articles
Consent Is Everything in Kink & BDSM, on Kynk 101
Consent, on Kinkly
Defining Consent in BDSM and Multiple-Partner Relationships, on Psychology Today
The Basics of BDSM Negotiation, on Kinkly
Negotiations, on Kynk 101
Negotiation and Negotiation Forms, by Jay Wiseman, on Evil Monk.org (aka Ambrosio’s BDSM Site)
Vetting Questions, by Pink Kink
Books
Violated: Sexual Consent and Assault in the Twenty-First Century, by Julie Fennell
Dating, Relationships & Contracts
Articles
BDSM Contract, by Lily F.
Books
Become Your Own Beloved: A Guide to Delighting in Self-Connection, by Lee Harrington
Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships, by Stella Harris
5 Consensual Kink-Play Approaches
Informed consent is essential for ethical BDSM!
SSC = Safe, Sane, Consensual
RACK = Risk-Aware (or Risk-Accepted) Consensual Kink
PRICK = Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink
CNC = Consensual Non-Consent
TPE = Total Power Exchange
General
Articles
BDSM for Beginners: Everything You Need to Know to Get Started: they’re not kidding; this really is a comprehensive starting guide
BIPOC-focused collection of articles, on Bound Together
Chills down my spinal degeneration: Why we need Black queer disabled kink, on BYP
Essential BDSM Rules: Safety, Consent, and Communication Tips, on Greatist
In the World of Black Kink, by Marla Stewart
Kink and Queerness: Resistance Through Sex, on /Queer
Kink, BDSM & Autism and ADHD: personal thoughts rather than how-tos, but an interesting read
Loving BDSM has a well-researched collection called BDSM and Disability Resources, with links to articles, blogs, podcasts, videos and more
Neurodiversity in Kink, by Baron von Aaron on Kink Weekly
Newbie Notions for Better BDSM Play, on Gay in the CLE
The Pleasure and Pain of Being Disabled in the BDSM Community, by Mark Hay on VICE
Books
Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power, by Carolyn Elliott
Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities, by Lee “Bridgett” Harrington and Mollena Williams: fantastic and perennially popular
Please Scream Quietly (Diverse Sexualities, Genders, and Relationships), by Julie L. Fennell
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, by Molly Devon and Philip Miller: a classic from the perspective of male dom and female sub, but some of the info is outdated, and this is best for those who like listening to chatty neighbors tell stories
SM 101, by Jay Wiseman: a classic in the heteronormative world, but some info is outdated and/or inaccurate
The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge, edited by Tristan Taormino
FetLife Groups
Acceptance and love for Trans Men, Butches, Daddies, and Bois/Boys
AfroCentric BDSM: For black men and black women who don’t hate their own kind
BDSM Depression and other Mental Disorder
Kinky Queers, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexuals, Trans, Gender Queer, InterSex
Magazines
Movies
BDSM: It’s Not What You Think!: confronts stigma and stereotypes surrounding kink and fetish play through leading voices in the BDSM community
Evie Lupine’s BDSM Movie List includes a range of related movies as well as nonfiction and fiction titles
Kink: documentary of Kink.com
Kinky — the Documentary: a sexy, informative and humorous film examining black sexuality and the fascinating world of bondage, fetish and BDSM
Podcasts
All That & Mo: by legendary educator and activist Mollena Williams-Hass
The Kink Academy Podcast: learn more about your body, your relationships, and your kinks
KinkyCast.com
Mean Mommy Kink Podcast: two Black queer femme tops who “bitch about Age Play, Sadomasochism, and whatever we like!”
Off the Cuffs: episodes tackle the entire spectrum of kink, from the sensual to the sadistic, and the bizarre to the vanilla
Pink Kink: Princess Rara and Dara, the Electro Kahleesi dismantle stereotypes and eliminate the stigma surrounding the intriguing world of kink
Videos
BDSM & Disability: Challenges, on Kink Academy (free)
Evie Lupine's YouTube channel: lots of 101-style and other videos covering a wide range of BDSM topics
Kink Community: Dungeon Dos and Don’ts, on Kink Academy (free)
Things NOT to Do When Meeting People in a Kinky Context, on Kink Academy (free)
Websites & Online Magazines
BDSM Wiki: great for definitions, resources, theories, etc.
Behind Kink YouTube channel: lots of topics and interviews with experts
Black Leather in Color: magazine spotlighting BIPOC Leather history, art and historical moments, ground breakers, and trailblazers in the Leather/BDSM and kink community; see Instagram too
Boundless Events: produces and offers educational classes, social events and play parties
Kink.com: known mostly for its hardcore BDSM porn, but has a channel called Kink University with explainer videos (majority are sex-related)
KinkAcademy: massive library with many free tutorial videos and articles plus more than 2,000 videos via monthly subscription ($25) on pretty much every single BDSM and sex topic you can think of, taught by renowned educators and other experts. Founded by Princess Kali.
Kink Lovers: magazine with ideas and resources
Midori’s many in-person classes, which include The Art of Feminine Dominance, Erotic Rope Play, and How to Create Amazing Scenes
PassionAndSoul (Lee Harrington): a range of recorded classes and handouts as well as free YouTube videos; in-person classes also are available on topics including gender, identity, and psychology; alternative relationships; spirituality; and erotic restraint
The P.O.C.K.L.E. Project (The People of Colour Kink and Leather Experience): articles, videos, interviews, audio recordings, and other resources one the past, present, and future of the community; also on Facebook
Race and Kink with Marla Renee Stewart and Luna Matatas: offers on-demand talks on race and kink, as well as periodic events
Reddit (r/BDSM Advice): If you’re wise enough to be researching BDSM, you’re wise enough to know that what’s here may be reliable, or it may be bullshit. Keep your thinking cap on.
Susan’s Place: Transgender Resources: has a thread called Transgender and BDSM
Twisted Windows: articles plus online and in-person classes for rope bondage, D/s, critters and handlers, fire play, dynamic bottoming, and many more topics
Watts the Safeword: videos and a podcast covering lots of BDSM topics
Wicked Grounds: scads of online and in-person (San Francisco) single-session and multi-session classes on everything under the kink sun: age play, foot play, welcome to the kink scene, wax and electro play, flogging, consent, negotiation, and much more
Zipper: covers a wide range of topics and resources
Q. I’m not “out” about my kink, and FetLife says I need to create a profile to join. Am I doomed to miss out?
A. Create an empty profile with no photo and say that you’re 101 and live in Antarctica, as a lot of folks do.